Flatscreen TVs represent spoils of the bargain hunt

Graeme 'Yer Man' Cousins
Graeme 'Yer Man' Cousins
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Given the events of Black Friday, having a Blaupunkt flatscreen TV fitted to the wall of your home is the modern equivalent of displaying the stuffed and mounted head of a moose, tiger or elephant.

These items represent the spoils of the hunt - a trophy to say their owner stopped at nothing to capture their prey.

In the case of the latter, shotguns are employed to bag the prize, in the case of the former it’s brute force and ignorance, though in one of the videos I watched of Black Friday chaos in supermarkets I could have sworn I saw a pack of Beagles and a man with a bugle.

Black Friday has come under much criticism for two reasons. Firstly, because it’s yet another American tradition we’ve adopted as our own without refinement or local appropriation. Secondly, due to some of the Neanderthal behaviour of those fighting over electrical goods.

There’s nothing much that can be said in defence of people fighting over luxury items like flatscreen TVs, especially with poverty rife and foodbanks being called on more than ever.

The irony is, the items that caused the biggest stir were flatscreen TVs manufactured, not by Samsung, Sony or Panasonic, but by Blaupunkt.

I can’t imagine too many people who got their hands on the TV sets had ever heard of Blaupunkt before. The company have made a name for themselves with stereos, predominantly car stereos, and while they’re from the broad spectrum of electronics they’re pretty new to the TV world.

It would be like buying coffee from Kingsmill, applying sticking plasters made by Panini, or trusting a Sherbet Dip Dab manufactured by Pete Doherty.

As for the adoption of the American idea of Black Friday as a heavily discounted shopping day marking the start of the Christmas trading period, I don’t have any problem with it given our previous set up which involved having a heavily discounted shopping day exactly 24 hours after Christmas is over.

To me the Boxing Day sales represent a real kick in the teeth - finding out that all the things you bought for loved ones for Christmas have been discounted by up to 75%.

People like to have a good old moan about the Americanisation of our culture, but the way I see it you have to take the rough with the smoothie.

I’m happy enough to take the lead from the world’s number one global superpower, especially if the alternative is to turn to Russia for our fast food chains and China for our sit-coms.

And as for American sports, you only need to look at the number of baseball bats sold here to prove we’re big supporters of Yankee ball games.

Despite my willingness to embrace American culture, I decided to give Black Friday a miss in favour of a more localised custom.

I had the day off on Friday and decided to treat myself to a traditional Ulster breakfast. However, midway through cooking it I started playing with my phone and got distracted by videos of people fighting over flatscreen TVs in supermarkets throughout the UK.

I ended up burning my high-cholesterol breakfast to a crisp.

From this day forth it will be remembered as Black Fry Day.