These days follicles are facing a tough challenge

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Within the parameters of education BSC is a type of degree, however, in the world of beauty treatments BSC means something altogether different. It’s enough to bring tears to your eyes.

In biology class schoolchildren are told hair will grow here, here, here and here. In a completely contradictory lesson years later, a beautician will then tell you, you should not have hair here, here, here and here.

For me, eyebrows take the biscuit. A lady has woken up one day, decided to pluck out her eyebrows hair by hair, then drawn a line where they used to be. Rather than laugh at this pillock, millions of women all over the world have followed her lead.

Men can laugh off such guidance but it’s not so easy for women to ignore considering more than 95% of their kin have ditched the au natural look when it comes to grooming.

The result is a chain of Barbie inspired rendering plants where females go to get blitzed from head to toe with hot wax and lasers. While genetics dictate where hair will grow, fashionistas decides which hair is en vogue to be seen. At the minute, beards are the only show in town.

While it’s predominantly a male craze several women aren’t to be deterred including the one that won Eurovision and the one I keep seeing in Lurgan Tesco who thinks I work there.

Whilst trying to be an individual everyone now looks the same. A freshers ball could easily be confused with a Wookie Bar Mitzvah.

Growing a beard used to be something that struck of the lone wolf who lives by his own rules. Now it represents someone who doesn’t want to be left out of the latest fad.

It amazes me how quickly a trend becomes the norm. It happened with moustaches in the eighties. From politicians to paramilitaries, from substitute teachers to first choice centre forwards - if you didn’t have a moustache you weren’t fit to wield power or score goals. Tattoos have become the norm of the past decade. Once again it was paramilitaries leading the way in the eighties, now the whole world and his granny have been inked.

As for beards, my respect goes out to those who continue to pursue individual looks amid the hirsute hoards. Fair play to those who continue to be bald of head and face amid this return to the Stone Age.

While I haven’t jumped on board the beard bandwagon, I am guilty of joining the LED light revolution. It occurred following a trip to B&Q to buy some replacement bulbs for the kitchen downlights. An orange-bibbed assistant caught my eye and I asked him what the craic was with their vast selection of bulbs.

He advised me it was time to switch from halogen lights to LED ones. “The difference is night and day,” he said, which I found an odd choice of words for a man selling lights. Although they were a good bit dearer I took him up on his advice based on the evidence that the LEDs use less energy, burn brighter and last longer.

It started so well, the first LED light I fitted shone bright like the North Star amid our kitchen constellation. But now I’m having to replace old lights with new on a weekly basis possibly due to the varying wattages the different lights require.

I’m getting a bit fed up with it now. If another light blows this week, I’m seriously considering the only alternative. Which would be to sit in the dark and let the hair grow around me.