64 of the funniest ever quotes from Seinfeld

Today (14 May) marks 20 years since the curtain finally came down on the seminal sitcom Seinfeld.

Created by comedian Jerry Seinfeld and writer Larry David - also justly famed for Curb Your Enthusiasm - the exploits of Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer featured now infamous acerbic humour, awkward scrapes and astute social observations.

Here are 64 of the greatest quotes from a show that introduced us to "low-talkers", "re-gifting" and "double dipping"

"You can't believe this woman. She's one of those low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going 'excuse me?', 'what was that?'" - Jerry

"I love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning." - George

George: "Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?"Jerry: "Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind."

George, on women wanting 'bad boys': "Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?"

"Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over." - Jerry

(Photo: Sony Pictures Television)

"You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. 'The Beach'. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach." - Kramer

George: "You’re gonna over-dry your laundry."Jerry: "You can’t over-dry."George: "Why not?"Jerry: "Same reason you can’t over-wet."

Jerry, on bad food choices: "Salad! What was I thinking? Women don't respect salad eaters."

George: "She calls me up at my office. She says, ‘We have to talk.’"Jerry: "Ugh. The four worst words in the English language."George: "That or ‘Whose bra is this?’"Jerry: "That’s worse."

Jerry, on public displays of affection: "People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public."

George: "I gotta call Elaine."Jerry: "She’s out."George: "Oh, yeah. The blind date."Jerry: "They call it a 'setup', now. I guess the blind people don’t like being associated with all those losers."

(Photo: Sony Pictures Television)

"Moles — freckles' ugly cousin." - Kramer

"Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every walk of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… it's all been wrong." - George

Kramer: "You’re wasting your life."George: "I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I’m living my life."Kramer: "OK, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?"George: "No."Kramer: "You got money?"George: "No."Kramer: "Do you have any action at all?"George: "No."Kramer: "Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?"George: "I like to get the Daily News."

Jerry: "This isn’t a good time."Telemarketer: "When would be a good time to call back, sir?"Jerry: "I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?"Telemarketer: "Umm, we’re not allowed to do that."Jerry: "Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home. Well, now you know how I feel."

(Photo: Sony Pictures Television)

"People don't turn down money! It's what separates us from the animals." - Jerry

Kramer, on male self-pleasure: "We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh… shaving."

"I've never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting." - George

"Do you think it's effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?" - Jerry

"I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up." - George

Kramer, on cultural differences: "See, here, you're just another apple, but in Japan, you're an exotic fruit. Like an orange. Which is rare there."

"Why does everything have to be 'us'? Is there no 'me' left? Why can't there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?" - George

"What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?" - Jerry

"Can you die from an odour? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odour?" - Elaine

(Photo: Sony Pictures Television)

"How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?" - Jerry

"What am I scared of? I'm scared of the same thing that you are, everything." - George

"You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me." - George

"I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: if you're going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe." - Jerry

"That's the bra I gave her, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society." - Elaine

"Hey! What's the deal with decaf? How do they get the caffeine out of there and then where does it go?" - Jeannie

"I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe." - Kramer

"A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It's absolutely brilliant." - George

"Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know." - George

(Photo: Sony Pictures Television)

"They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. I don't know what's going on with the papayas!" - Kramer

"Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?" - George

"I'd rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good-looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her." - George

"Who goes on vacation without a job? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?" - Jerry